Kim of Leon

My flagrantly-flatulent ex-girlfriend KIM DALRYMPLE had a one-night stand with NATHAN FALLOWILL, the fumduck drummer from Kings of Leon. (He's married!)

Def Richie.

I was back on the stand today in the arson case. Everything went well, but the judge was really weird. I kept hearing a whirring sound coming from the bench. At one point, something started smoking, and he took a 2-hour recess even though we just came back from lunch.

Sly in L.A.!!!!

You're not gonna believe this: Got into an argument with Sylvester Stallone today. Sly was pumping gas into his brand new black SUV, and he started yelling at me about getting too close and messing up the paint or nicking his bumper. He just ripped into me in front of everyone. I fired back:

"You know what? You haven't made a decent movie since [dramatic pause] well, ever!"

He got madder than a rattlesnake at Geno's and things got real heated. Some people were filming ALL OF THIS so hopefully it will show up YouseTube at some point. Sly dug my moxie, and he invited me to dinner at D'Amici's tonight! Looks like I may get to do some foley work on Rocky Balboa. I hope I get to punch some meat!

My new home.

Liquid Courage.

NYC. 4 a.m. McDonald's. I was only a little drunk, but I had just done a LOT of crippler. Then I saw The King, alone. Nursing a Filet-o-Fish. I thought: this is my chance. I issued a challenge, and he was up for it because I think he was also a little tipsy. You're not gonna believe it:

Linus: 61

Kobayashi: 48

I toppled the champ! I'm ready for the yellow belt!

Fishing with George.

I was walking over the old Newbridge suspension bridge this morning, and I heard what sounded like a man yelling. Then I heard a faint splash. I ran over to the side of the bridge and saw nothing, but then the surface of the water broke. That's when I first saw George. I don't really know if his name was George or not, but that's what I've named him. George was kicking and screaming, frantically trying to stay afloat. He must have fallen in the water while fishing -- I noticed a pick-up truck with a tackle box and a cooler in the back just a few feet from the river bank. After a minute or two, George spotted me. He began yelling for me to call HELP. Our eyes locked. His expression was one of amazement and fear. He was a afraid he was going to drown, and amazed that I, the only person on the planet that could help him, was doing nothing. How often does a man get a chance to see another man meet his end and suffer no repercussions for it? Once in a lifetime? I took the chance.

I don't know if they ever found George's body.

Mom.

I found her, but now she's gone.