3.6

Mess with Texas was pretty cool until I got tossed for heckling Les Savy Fav for scabbing it on Conan. Wasn't too into Todd Barry's set (see post title for grade). It was too low-key for me. Brian Hussein was awesome, though.

Gotta run -- Me and John Brannon from Negative Approach just challenged Henry Owings and Brian Teasley to a drinking contest!! Some guy named Reggie agreed to serve as the referee.

Practice?

Guess who was back on The Best Show on WFMU last night? That's right, me! I told that loudmouth bore Todd Scharpling all about my tastemaking work for Shovel.com. I also tried to turn him onto some great new bands because he only likes old stuff like ABBA, Big Dipper, and Death Cab for Cutie. You can listen to it here, although be advised that Tom is very insipid. It's this very insipidness that will get him barged by month's end. I hope the barge is big enough because Todd weighs 700 pounds.

Ok, I've gotta catch a plane to South By -- I'm seeing ! I Hate You The Ghost of Anwar Sadat and a reunited September Gurgles at Emo's Lounge at 2 p.m.!!!

Drain You.

I'm back! After going into an extended hiatus after losing the 2007 Bloggie Award, I have to get back to what I do best: blog about the American experience. I'm not that into politics, but I really like this Borat Oblama guy. If I start blogging about the 2008 Election, let's just say that Daily Kos better get ready to get schooled.

Anyway, I was listening to this past week's Best Show Awards podcast, and, predictably, that recluse Omar won Best Recapper. Yawn. Dude thinks he has no competition because he drains the field like Plainview in There Will Be Blood. Well, guess what? There's a new bendy straw in town, and I'm officially throwing my keyboard into the ring for the 2009 Best Best Show recapubernatorial race. I highly recommend that Omar wear a helmet and strap himself in with his white belt to withstand the sheer force of my Best Show recaps. If he's Cormac McCartney, than call me Thomas Pinchley, Pudge Palfner's favorite author. Ha! A Best Show callback! See how easy this is?

The Worst Show on WFMU?

Just finished listening to the latest installment of the supposed "Best Show on WFMU" with Tim Scharpling. Is it just me or this show lame? The comedy bits seem very old hat, almost all of the callers are mutant idiots (they also sound poor and fat), and the host alternates between being an insufferable bore and an insipid loudmouth bully with his rants against the hilarious film Juno. I used to like the show, but now I hate it because it's a little more popular. Where's all the cool new music Todd use to play? I'm tired of all the yammering.

I did enjoy the call from Shout!'s Matthew Tompkins. Sounds like another great slate of shows, especially To Hunt, Gut and Kill a Slob.

Forget it, holdsteadyjake2004, it's Chinatown.

I lost. So did hsj04. The Best American Weblog went to Cute Overload, if you can believe it. Full results here. More later. I'm off to "sex-positive blogging" seminar and then I'm going to battle Henry Owings in a BBQ-eating contest.

Guitar Wolfie.

It's official! Van Halen will tour with DLR! Wolfgang Van Halen will replace Michael Anthony on bass. I would have picked Les Claypool from Prius, but that's why I'm an award-winning blogger and not a professional music man.

Dig Deep.

I directed this "digital short" that aired on Saturday Night Live last night. People seem to dig it. It was co-written by two of my comedy buddies: A. Whitney Brown and Bob Zany, bay-bee.

American Hardcore.

18 RABBITS ****EXCLUSIVE***** Britney shaves her head!!!!



UPDATE:

You're not gonna believe it. According to Tom Scharpling on the 2/20/07 installment of The Best Show, Doug Llewelyn -- that dude from The People's Court -- had a similar meltdown! He's bald! I haven't seen any pictures, but I bet he looks like Lux Luthor.

Linus on the Radio.

Go here to listen to me on The Best Show on WFMU from 2/13/07. I had a long chat with host Tom Scharpling (RIP) about my rise to blogging fame and some of my best posts!

np: ICP - "Bugz On My Nutz"

Newbridge looked tired last night.

You're not gonna believe it: "holdsteadyjake2004" got linked all over the place today because of some update on that stupid disease (I guess it's called "limp lip"). Well, he supposedly took a turn for the worse, and the bulk of his lips disappeared. Everyone is saying that this might clinch the Bloggie for him. Well, they're wrong. I have a few surprises planned for later this month. Here's a prediction: I'll be knee deep in the sweat-wet confetti at my victory party pit next month in Austin.



np: Flaming Lips - "They Punctured My Yolk"

Hang the DJ.

I killed someone today. No, it wasn't one of those "I accidentally hit a pedestrian and I'm so broken up things." This is a pre-meditated murder. The victim's name is inconsequential -- let's just call him "DJ". I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it exhilarating when I wrapped my white belt around his throat. I could see his juggler vain sticking out. And then he was gone, and I went to McDonald's and got some french fries.

Grammys.

DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE: THE POLICE SUCKED LAST NIGHT.

Dear rock dinosaurs, Stay Extinct!

The Look.

This just in: New Shins record out today!

Alright, Still.

Back in high school, my friend Lily's mom had a TORRID affair with my best friend, Tony. What a mess!

Kim of Leon

My flagrantly-flatulent ex-girlfriend KIM DALRYMPLE had a one-night stand with NATHAN FALLOWILL, the fumduck drummer from Kings of Leon. (He's married!)

Def Richie.

I was back on the stand today in the arson case. Everything went well, but the judge was really weird. I kept hearing a whirring sound coming from the bench. At one point, something started smoking, and he took a 2-hour recess even though we just came back from lunch.

Sly in L.A.!!!!

You're not gonna believe this: Got into an argument with Sylvester Stallone today. Sly was pumping gas into his brand new black SUV, and he started yelling at me about getting too close and messing up the paint or nicking his bumper. He just ripped into me in front of everyone. I fired back:

"You know what? You haven't made a decent movie since [dramatic pause] well, ever!"

He got madder than a rattlesnake at Geno's and things got real heated. Some people were filming ALL OF THIS so hopefully it will show up YouseTube at some point. Sly dug my moxie, and he invited me to dinner at D'Amici's tonight! Looks like I may get to do some foley work on Rocky Balboa. I hope I get to punch some meat!

My new home.

Liquid Courage.

NYC. 4 a.m. McDonald's. I was only a little drunk, but I had just done a LOT of crippler. Then I saw The King, alone. Nursing a Filet-o-Fish. I thought: this is my chance. I issued a challenge, and he was up for it because I think he was also a little tipsy. You're not gonna believe it:

Linus: 61

Kobayashi: 48

I toppled the champ! I'm ready for the yellow belt!

Fishing with George.

I was walking over the old Newbridge suspension bridge this morning, and I heard what sounded like a man yelling. Then I heard a faint splash. I ran over to the side of the bridge and saw nothing, but then the surface of the water broke. That's when I first saw George. I don't really know if his name was George or not, but that's what I've named him. George was kicking and screaming, frantically trying to stay afloat. He must have fallen in the water while fishing -- I noticed a pick-up truck with a tackle box and a cooler in the back just a few feet from the river bank. After a minute or two, George spotted me. He began yelling for me to call HELP. Our eyes locked. His expression was one of amazement and fear. He was a afraid he was going to drown, and amazed that I, the only person on the planet that could help him, was doing nothing. How often does a man get a chance to see another man meet his end and suffer no repercussions for it? Once in a lifetime? I took the chance.

I don't know if they ever found George's body.